Out of Time

I'm usually quite eloquent and wordy, at least where writing is concerned. Finding words to write is usually not my problem; my problem is writing too much. But today I'm mostly just speechless and grumpy - I want to be alone and not to think about tomorrow.  So please forgive my in-eloquence on this last post from freedom. I'm not going to run or do anything stupid like that. And until now I've been counting down with impatience, ready to get on with it already. But now with one day left I suddenly want more time. Go figure. I hope that in a few months I look back on this post, and on my feelings today, and realize it was much ado about nothing.

In mundane news, I've been puffing away all day on my e-cigarette. No offense to my friends and family, but I'm going to miss good old nicotine more than anything. I haven't smoked real cigarettes for the last five years, but my e-cig is a constant companion. I dread the withdrawal I know will hit me tomorrow morning, just when I don't need it. Bye, bye, old friend. 

I also already miss my children. Our relationship is conducted via Skype and soon that will be no more. I'm thinking about them fast asleep at this very moment in Moscow. I wish more than anything that I could hug them one last time. 

Today has been filled with calls from family - although I'm not in the mood to "hang out" I appreciate that everyone has reached out to connect one last time. I wanted to take this moment to thank all of you - friends and family both - who have offered support over these past difficult months. Your kindness has helped me get through a tough time. When I decided to go public with my problems I expected the exact opposite: scorn and condemnation for my stupidity. While I still got a tiny bit of that, so many people reached out to help me along that I was overwhelmed. I made some new friends and connected with some old. I wish the circumstances were different but it means a lot to me that so many people stepped up to the plate.

I've heard it can take a week or two to reconnect with the outside world through e-mail and phone. Apparently there are some bureaucratic hurdles to overcome. But rest assured that as soon as I am able I'll be posting (with the help of my mother and sister) once again.  If readers send me messages or comments my mother and sister will be doing their best to ensure that I eventually receive them.

I have posted my contact information on the "Contacts" tab of my blog: please write!

So....So long.

It's time for a new adventure to begin.